Things to do in hospital

A friend is in hospital in England avoiding anything going wrong with her baby. She is going a little stir crazy and has asked for suggestions. I can’t send a care package because it would probably arrive after the baby, so I gave her the list of suggestions below, but if anyone has more, add them in the comments and I will forward them!

Here’s my list of ten Things To Do In Hospital:

  1. Write: write letters for the baby to read when it’s older, or little accounts of things that have happened in your lives that you want to become family stories.
  2. Knit. Do you knit? Learn to. Good for baby clothes (because they’re quicker), whiling away long hours and being a security risk for air travel.
  3. Read books and nursery rhymes onto tape to play for the baby when your voice gives out.
  4. Learn something: a new hobby or a game or a language.
  5. Try to invent a perpetual motion machine using only hospital equipment.
  6. Find out the life stories of other patients and try to use this new intimacy to persuade them to name their babies Clarence-Algernon, Mamie or Rudolpho (… were any of those names ones you were planning on?)
  7. Make a picture book – either drawing or collage. It can be as silly as you want, the baby won’t know for a while and then it will be a nice family heirloom. Bonus points for using hospital equipment.
  8. Devise an escape plan (using only hospital equipment).
  9. Formulate a five-year plan for world domination.
  10. Use hospital food to create modern art masterpieces. Photograph them. Try to get them into an exhibition.

6 thoughts on “Things to do in hospital

  1. 1. Use (mis)leading questions and comments to get the inside info on the staff. Then trade this information for privileges.

    Eg:You: “Nurse Clara looks excited about something, but she didn’t have time for her chat this morning. I hope it is the good news she was expecting…”

    Orderly: “She mentioned that to you? Well yeah, her tests came back negative. She is so relieved.”

    You: “Great, I told her that she needn’t worry. She was so brave, I respect that…”

    2. Stare at the wall. You were going to do it anyway, but if it is written on your list of things to do, at least you will feel like you are getting something done.

    3. Stuff a whole chain of linked scarfs into your mouth, then when a nurse is passing feign a coughing fit then pull the scarves out magician style. Once it is all out and the nurse is just staring say: “That is the last time I give The Great Gonzo any personal little favours.”

  2. All this makes a very sweet list!

    1. Read books. You probably thought of that.

    2. If you’re in a ward, organise a singalong, especially including all the songs you can’t sing with gusto once you have children (provided nobody in your ward is offended by these, of course). :)

    3. Throw a soft ball (not a softball) from bed to bed.

  3. haha these are great if i dont do any of them i certainly had a laugh reading them try these
    1. plan your perfect weddin with the internet at your bedside the sky is the limit.
    2. write an autobiography proberbly wouldnt interest anyone but takes up some time and you never know could surprise you.
    3. draw the view you see from your window if your in long enough you could be the next picasso.
    4. watch the nurses outside your room and try to make out what they are saying you can joke or be serious your choice but if youve been in as long as i have seriousness doesnt matter any more and the only way to stay sane is to joke.(though if your laughing to yourself they look at you strange)

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